They Keep the Paths a Sacred Groove, Along Which All Their Lives They Move

Greetings and welcome, Groovsters!!! As you know, The Groove is one hundred percent committed to serving you, our loyal readers, and meeting your high expectations. You might think not posting anything for four years is not the best way to fulfill that commitment. Well, think again. And now, we hope you enjoy Restaurant Review Groove-style. Rachie and Tommy Boy, Editors-in-Chief of The Groove, recently had a conversation about two restaurants, Checkers and Sonic. The gist of the conversation was that neither Tommy nor Rachie has ever been to Checkers or Sonic. Both Tommy and Rachie are more interested in checking out Checkers than Sonic. Tommy’s reason is that years ago his friend Shelly told him that Checkers’ hamburgers are good. Rachie’s reasons are that she imagines, from their commercials, that Checkers’ hamburgers are good, and she likes Checkers’ slogan, “You gotta eat.” Rachie and Tommy think there’s a pretty good chance neither of them will ever go to either place.

Groovsters, if, over the years, The Groove has influenced you in even the smallest way, such as convincing you to convert to a different religion, transition to the opposite sex, or wash your hands every five minutes all day long, then Rachie Pie and Tommy Boy have fulfilled their humble mission.

Finally, if you feel compelled to leave a comment below, please do. We think you’ll find it as easy as climbing Mt. Everest.

To Groove, or Not to Groove...

DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS SENTENCE! Hey, you ignored me, which means—YOU ARE NOW.......READING.......THE GROOVE! If you're new to The Groove, Tommy and Rachie Pie, The Groove's editors-in-chief, say, "Hey there, new reader of The Groove, you've come to the right place, and we over-the-top welcome you with a handshake, hug, kiss, bow, or applause; in other words, whatever you like to have as a greeting." And if you're an old groovster, then you've no doubt (not the pop group featuring Gwen Stefani) already begun grooving, so just sit back, relax, turn off your cell phone, and get ready for God only knows what! Oh yeah, one more thing: if you can't groove with The Groove, you're free to either keep reading The Groove (albeit not grooving with it), stop reading it, or some other possibility if there is one.

The Groove's Slogan

The Groove's slogan could be "No topic too big—no topic too small," but we decided that's too long. We could have shortened it to "No topic too big or small," but that's not that interesting or funny, plus—and this is the main reason we don't have a slogan—we don't want to have a slogan.

The point is, at The Groove (WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW), two people just lay it out there, and you, our loyal readers, chew it up, and then either swallow it or spit it out (or swallow it and then "bring it up" later). The Groove doesn't simply tell you facts about stuff that's going on to inform you or assist you in forming opinions. If we did, we would simply be duplicating the work of Fox News ("We report—you decide"). In contrast, we provide hard-hitting, biased commentary. We......give you......our take on it, AND It (click here).

So now, are you ready to read about what Tommy and Rachie Pie think about stuff? Obviously, The Groove believes in not wasting your time, so let's jump headlong (wanted to use that word even though we may have used it a little incorrectly) into the issues. In "recent" past installments (The Groove sometimes calls posts "installments"), The Groove covered such topics as Priority Club, the Tour de France, the presidential election, Tommy and Rachie Pie's trips to New York and Pittsburgh, and gasoline prices. "How does The Groove decide what issues to tackle?" First of all, all—and we mean ALL—subjects are fair game, so we might, for example, consider discussing (in depth, of course) the latest development in the field of Philosophy, or new agricultural trends in Scandinavia. In this issue, it just so happens, we're thinking about addressing: coffee, E-ZPass, summer barbecues, and Rachie's recent trip to Peru.

Tommy and Rachie Pie really hope you enjoyed this installment of The Groove. Please keep a keen eye open for the next installment of................dum dadadaaah..................THE GROOVE!!!

Special Election Edition

We're back! (Not the 1993 movie about dinosaurs, which is "We're Back!, A Dinosaur's Story," but just simply "We're back!") And boy oh boy oh boy, does it feel good! We miss you, loyal readers. It's been way too long. So—let's get down to business. (I don't got no time to play around, what is this? Must be a circus in town to shut the sh*t down on these clowns. Can I get a witness?)

Anyway, let's actually get down to business. The Groove is proud as a peacock to break the important news that the United States will soon be having a big election in which we will elect a new president.

"Yikes," you're thinking. "What should I do?"

Welp, Tommy and Rachie Pie would like to answer that question—after some reflection—with the injection of an election suggestion, in four parts, Groove-style! But, before we unveil our four-part election prescription, we'd like to mention that some people think it's very important to vote, while some others think it's not at all important and they don't vote. After reading The Groove's election tips (assuming you're still reading this), we think you'll agree that The Groove comes down on the side of being for voting.

And now, presenting ... Election Suggestions, Groove Style!

1) Find out who the candidates are.

2) Do some research and learn where they stand on the issues.

3) Figure out where you stand on the issues.

4) Vote for the candidate whose positions on the issues are most in line with yours.

This is exactly how Tommy and Rachie Pie roll, except for one thing—Rachie Pie is too young to vote, so she leaves out step number 4.

In our July 5 installment, Groovin'—On a Sunday Afternoon, we did a hard-hitting, in depth piece on the high prices of gasoline. Well, since then you've surely noticed that gas prices have gone down. We at The Groove—"we" being...duh!...have been wondering if the lowering of gas prices might be related in some way to the election, and we'd like to hear your thoughts on that. Just kidding. Kidding about that, yes. But not kidding when we say that today is Ben Goldstein's TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN (GOLDSTEIN).

Love,

The Groove

Special Continental Edition—The Groove Visits France and Italy

Greetings, loyal readers! It's Tommy and Rachie Pie, welcoming you back to The Groove with tremendous, over-the-top enthusiasm, love and hospitality! Are you hip to the fact that many people like to start their day with a cup of coffee and The Groove?

And now, for the fine athletes currently competing in the Tour de France, The Groove offers this song, to be sung to the tune of Hello Young Lovers:

Hello Tour de France, wherever you are,

Bordeaux, the Alps or the Louvre.

And after completing your cycling each day,

Sit back and relax with The Groove.

Be brave, young cyclists, and follow your star,

O'er mountains, through deserts and fog.

Where'er your journey may take you, good friends,

We ask that The Groove be your blog.

(We ask that The Groove be your blog.)

(We ask that The Groove be your blog.)

Did somebody say, "France?" (Get it? Tour de France?) 'Cause if they did, then they said the place where Miriam (fan of, and frequent commentator on, The Groove; daughter of T. and sister of R.P.) happens to be grooving these days.

Big, BIG blog news from Italy: Rachie and Tommy have just learned that The Groove has been nominated for a Blogatini award for "Best Foreign Blog." The Blogatini is to blogs in Italy what the Oscar is to film in the U.S. (Take your time figuring that out.) This means that Italy considers The Groove to possibly be the best blog in the world!

And now, The Groove would like to take a moment to sing (or, should we say, bark) the praises of three dogs--actually, three white dogs, although their race is irrelevant. We don't know their names, but you can read their comment by clicking on "comments" right under The Groove's June 11 installment, Blah Blah Blog. These dogs are groovy cats who clearly get The Groove and its mission of simple, total groove. They get it, and they get It. THEY--GET--IT! And so--a toast: "To Three White Dogs--You can groove with The Groove any day."

Groovin'—On a Sunday Afternoon

Helloooooooooooo, fans of The Groove (and also those of you who are not fans of The Groove but are reading this).

Carnegie Mellon is the only university in the U.S. that offers a Bachelors degree in bagpiping.

Grooving Pittsburgh-style

June 23: Today Tommy and Rachie Pie are heading out on a road trip to Pittsburgh and lands beyond. For those of you who don't know much about Pittsburgh, here's some resource information. 1) Once Tommy was in a restaurant and his friend ordered chopped steak "Pittsburgh medium," and Tommy didn't know what that was. 2) One summer when he was a kid, Tommy's father (Rachie's grandfather) worked in a steel mill in Pittsburgh.

Politics Groove-style

Recently T. and R.P. were driving someplace and Tommy's car needed gas so they pulled into what happened to be a brand-new (ALERT! ALERT! Irrelevant fact!) gas station. After filling the tank Tommy told Rachie that that was the most he had ever paid for gas in his entire life.

As we've mentioned previously the price of gas is a HUGE problem. Fortunately, we're doing something about it.

The New York Times Recognizes The Groove

In his June 27 New York Times Op-Ed column, columnist David Brooks writes:

"Over the past five years, a group of young and unpredictable rightward-leaning writers has emerged on the scene... these writers did not rise through the official channels of the conservative or libertarian establishments. By and large, they didn't do the internships or take part in the young leader programs that were designed to replenish 'the movement.' Instead, they found their voices while blogging..."

Thank you, David Brooks! And similarly we at The Groove commend the fine journalistic work that you and your colleagues do at the New York Times.

Andy's Corner

July 3: Today Andy's car passed the vehicle emissions test. Praise be to God!

Blog for the Cure

Greetings! And welcome once again to--you guessed it--the grooviest blog in town, The Grove--I mean, The Groove. And yes, you're absolutely right. We've TOTALLY changed our look. Hope you can groove on it! And now . . . L E T . . . . . . . . . T H E   B L O G G I N G . . . . . . . . . B E G I N ! ! !

Some bloggers blog for the sheer love of it; others, because it's so lucrative. You can usually tell after a sentence or two which type you're reading. In the case of a no-nonsense, hard-hitting, take-no-prisoners blog like The Groove, you're probably thinking, "Gee, on the one hand, they obviously love blogging, and on the other, they're extremely knowledgeable on the issues."

Well, first of all, thank you for the compliment. And second, The Groove is committed to telling it like it is, which includes both telling it like it is, and telling "It" like it is. The Groove: thorough? Of course. All-encompassing? Absolutely. So all-encompassing in fact that Margo Tillman-Blythe of the Los Angeles Times writes, "The Groove simply out-grooves many things that groove but are not blogs, but that still groove, albeit in non-blog kinds of ways."

We've gotten an unusually long way into this installment without mentioning Tommy or Rachie Pie.

    Rachie: Isn't free-styling way heavier than composed rap?

    Tommy: I'm not sure, Rach.

Now that's blogging.

Blah Blah Blog

Greetings, fellow Bloggers, Blogmeisters and Blogotopians. Welcome once again to The Groove.

Big Blog News: On Saturday, May 31 Rachie and Tommy made the scene at the Mondawmin Mall DMV Office where RACHIE PIE GOT HER LEARNER'S PERMIT!! Hallelujah! Congratulations to Rachie!! (Caution, motorists.) Since then she has driven three times, with yours truly, Tommy Boy, in the navigator's seat.

Up until now, I (Tommy) have been referring to our blog entries as "installments," but the other day I learned something that many--possibly all--bloggers seem to already know: that bloggers call their blog entries "posts." I ran my new revelation by Rachie and guess what. She's known this all along, but has kindly spared me the humiliation of being corrected.

June 7: Tommy and Rachie Pie arrived in New York City last night. They/We are staying at a Holiday Inn, and (at the risk of sounding like a braggart), since I, Tommy Boy, am a bona fide member of the esteemed Priority Club, our reservation includes: 1) a voucher good for one free drink at the hotel bar; 2) a free bottle of water waiting for us in our room; 3) a plate of eight assorted cookies on a doily. Let us be perfectly clear--these amenities would not be available to us if Tommy were not a member of the esteemed Priority Club.

Uh-oh. Tommy just discovered that he forgot to pack antiperspirant, and it's like the hottest day of the year! Meanwhile, Rachie forgot to pack Q-tips (We know, we know. "Q-tips" is a brand name--the product is "cotton swabs." Attention, other cotton swab companies [if there are any]. Please don't sue us for calling cotton swabs "Q-tips.")

Breadth or Depth

We at The Groove have been receiving a number of inquiries about whether our journalistic goal is to address a plethora of issues across a variety of different areas, or to delve deeply, thoroughly, and aggressively into a select group of issues. In other words, is our intent one of breadth--or depth? Our editorial staff (Rachie Pie and Tommy) met to discuss this and made the following determination: we don't care, and we will not be worrying about it.

We would really like to encourage our readers, you, to post comments on the blog. In order to entice you to do so, we have created a riddle, and we are asking you to post, as a comment, your own answer (or answers). We might decide to make this a contest, in which case the best answer, as determined by our impartial judge Andy (Tommy's wife and Rachie's mother), will be the winner and will be announced as such in one of our upcoming blog installments. (To answer the riddle, click on "comments" at the bottom of this installment and follow the INCREDIBLY simple instructions.)

And now, here's the riddle: How many bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?